The ground gave way, and no one warned you.
When you discover that a partner has been living a hidden life, the injury is not only to the relationship. It is to your sense of what was real. Memories get rewritten. Trust in your own judgment cracks. Many partners describe symptoms that look a great deal like post-traumatic stress: intrusive images, a racing need for details, sleeplessness, waves of rage and grief that arrive without warning.
For too long, partners were treated as a footnote to someone else's addiction, or worse, handed generic couples advice that asked them to manage their reaction. We do not do that here. Betrayal trauma is its own injury, and you deserve care aimed directly at it, on your timeline, regardless of what your partner chooses to do.
Your healing does not have to wait on anyone else's recovery.